...is apparently regular exercise. Let me give you a moment to get over the image of me exercising...

A little over a month ago I got over my fear of strangers and new experiences and went to the gym. This one decision has been to the solution to basically every problem I face as a teenager:

- I can eat what I want without feeling guilty, because I know I can work it off
- I feel better about how I look, whether or not there is any visible change, simply because I know that I have biceps, and that's pretty cool.
- My back aches are slowly disappearing as I stretch and work those muscles
- My body's chemicals make me feel good
- I get quiet time to think, or to not think as the situation demands
- I have an outlet for the more negative emotions. The angrier I am, the faster I run, the harder it is for me to think about whatever is making me angry.

In conclusion, I love the gym. And ice cream. And I REALLY love hot apple cider on cold nights. Which, with my constitution, has been every night for the last two weeks. But at least I have decent cardio.

I know, I find myself posting that a lot. There's really not much for me to talk about lately... I'm not really "with it" emotionally right now. Things happen, like playing the violin and looking for inspiration, but I don't really care that much. Hopefully when Rent is over and my friends exist again I'll get more emotionally invested, but right now I just sort of exist.

And I am almost done with Ace Attorney Phoenix Wright: Trials and Tribulations, which is frustrating because I'm sort of in detective mode ever since finishing A Study in Scarlet and starting The Sign of Four. I even went back to reading Detective Conan and although I was able to see through the mystery plots pretty easily I was actually quite impressed with the writing. Unless you have trouble adjusting to art styles in manga I would suggest the series to anyone who enjoys murder mysteries. Although there is some mysticism, teenage romance, bad jokes, and excessive drama, it's nothing worth hating the series over. At least the bad jokes are meant to be bad.

AND AND I <3 KAITOU KID BECAUSE PHANTOM THIEVES ARE ROMANTIC AND CLEVER. But if that bothers you he doesn't show up terribly often. So basically, *coughArielcough* you should give it a chance.

So I was watching cartoons, because Laurie has never seen Flapjack, and it was my duty as a human being to show her. And then we started watching Batman: The Brave and the Bold so that she would understand why that Batman terrifies me. (He smiles. And makes 'witty' banter. And he's not even Dick Grayson. It's disturbing.) Well we watched an episode called Night of the Huntress, and something fantastic happened. The Batmobile transformed. Into a giant robot.

I may have died a little inside.




Apparently the fans are pretty pissed off with the ridiculousness of... well, everything about the show. But I knew this one part to be the truth.

The batmobile is, in fact, Ironhide the Autobot.

I meant to do this as soon as I finished, but I was waiting on my dad to send me his changes, and... well, he didn't. I guess that's a good thing. I'd love to hear responses, especially from those of you out there who aren't familiar with some of the subjects, as that is likely the point of view of the admissions boards. There was no prompt, the essay is not required.

-----~*~-----

( There is one question that every person will inevitably be asked to answer at some point in his or her childhood. )

-----~*~-----

I feel absolutely fantastic, and I felt the need to share the feeling. We had auditions for Rent today, which consisted of singing part of "Out Tonight" and doing a really fun dance.

I've gotten up early every day for the last 10 days, so I was really exhausted this morning, but I got coffee at the end of lunch, drank almost all of it by the middle of my next class and was outrageously silly and energetic for the rest of the school day. Then came auditions, and I had a lot of excess energy, but I worked it off to prepare some more and was at pretty much the ideal energy level by the time my audition started. And then I got to (for once) sing my heart out and dance like an idiot. It was great.

Wonderful things happened today. Tea, smoothies, costumes, fire juggler, boots, memories, magic, music, love, happiness and wholeness. Maybe I can rid myself of the negativity tomorrow brings and find it in my heart to forgive the unforgivable.

Also, the movie 9 comes out this week. I am ready.

Thinking back on all of my artistic endeavors, I have come to the startling conclusion that all I really lack is practice. Lots and lots of practice. And with the need to draw lots and lots, inevitably follows ARTIST'S BLOCK. I am currently in an undeniable rut with no sign of escape, no visible light at the end of the tunnel, wandering through a foggy town with no map and no street signs.



Fuck.

So the summer is coming to an end this Tuesday, and all of my older friends save one pissy latino have left for college, leaving me alone with the people who are actually my age.

With the new year comes new resolution, and I'm determined to do well in school, send in my college applications as soon as physically possible, stick to my diet and maintain my ideal weight, and remember how to be a human being again. I try to stay in the real world, I really do, but cartoons and video games are just so damn entertaining. I'll probably have to just bite the bullet and stop watching and playing altogether. Fortunately my imagination should keep me entertained for a while.

If I seem a little melancholy, it's probably because my combination ear infection, ingrown toenail, headache, and the fact that I made myself stop eating junk all the time. I suppose this is more or less withdrawal. And sleepiness. And side effects of menstruation. Don't worry: emotionally, I'm fine.

So I've spent the majority of my summer watching cartoons, reading comics, playing Sims 3, and generally dicking around. And yet, I'm almost completely done with my college applications and only have one section of practice ACT left. I don't feel the need to do more than one practice test, because it's exactly like every other standardized test I've taken IN MY LIFE. Of course, none of this means I've put any time aside for art. At some point I'll finish that painting... just probably not this month.

Unfortunately, I really want to write, and am stuck in a spiral of Do Not Want. Because I Do Want to write fanfiction, but I Do Not Want to do anything that's already been done, which means I shouldn't do romance, and if I do romance, I shouldn't make it the same old 'dramatic confession of love' that I secretly adore, and I definitely shouldn't do the old 'damsel in distress' bit, and if it's not romance then what the hell is it and why should anyone read it and not just read/watch whatever it is I'm writing about? And then there's fiction, and I don't want to write a freakin' novel, but I want it to have a plot and a purpose, and basically I'm my own worst creative enemy right now.

In other news, Dick is a terrible nickname. People need to stop using it.





(Sudden inspiration that no one will fully understand because most of you aren't huge Justice League/Batflash fans and also because it's one in the morning and that means my mind is just plain WEIRD. A Batman fiction that is also a mystery, and the solution at the end is that Bruce is crushing on Wally. I do not know how to make that happen, but maybe I'll figure it out in the morning. It should be completely random but make perfect sense. Unlike me right now. Good night, good sirs and madams.)

I am so very tired. I've been working night shifts pretty much every night this last week, and not getting to sleep until really late, and not getting up until noon, and I generally feel like crap. Tonight I work a closing shift, so I won't be home until around midnight, and hopefully I'll be smart enough to go to sleep as soon as I get home.

In other news, the Sims 3 is awesome and actually worth buying, though I would have liked to pay less for it, the thought of going back to school without all of my senior friends terrifies and excites me, I wish I had a few more weeks of paychecks coming than I do, and I'm too lazy to upload the pictures from my beach trip. They're not that good, anyway. I'll get around to it eventually.

Oh yeah, and the Dresden Dolls rock.